Hi Justice Bird,
What do you think of snow cones?
- Robbie, Los Angeles
Dear Robbie,
The snow cone!! Ever since I was a child they enticed my imagination. Oh! The spectacular color combinations of luscious goodness! For years the snow cone held this tantalizing power over me. Any time I saw a stand, I would immediately get one, and sometimes two or three! Then, yesterday, when I actually stopped to think about your question, I realized that snow cones weren't much more than artificial flavoring and frozen water. Needless to say, the spell was broken, the love affair over, the dream gone…
Thanks a lot, Robbie.
Your friend,
Justice Bird
Caw!
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Dear Justice Bird,
I heard that you’ve stopped mobs of lemmings from killing themselves. I told this to my teacher, and she said that lemmings don’t actually kill themselves – that lemmings committing suicide is a total myth! Please help!
- Billy, Little Rock
Hi Billy,
Tell your teacher that she’s right. Lemmings don’t commit suicide. Anymore.
Your friend,
Justice Bird
Caw!
I’m your biggest fan! But, I was wondering why you don’t help out more charities? Thanks!
- Freddy, Albuquerque
Hello Freddy,
Thank you for your email. I try to help out whenever I can. However, please remember, I am a BIRD!!
Also, this unfortunate event happened recently and, honestly, it did sour me a little bit...
So I’m in the hospital elevator, wearing a Make-A-Wish Foundation t-shirt, minding my own business. An older, trashy woman gets on. We trade smiles (hey, I'm friendly), and then she says "So, can you make anyone's wish come true?"
and I say, "not exactly, it's more for sick people…"
and then she leans over and does this little fake cough in my ear!
and that's when I threw up in my mouth.
There you go, Freddy. There you go.
Your friend,
Justice Bird
Caw!
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