Mail Call!

Dear Justice Bird,

I’m your biggest fan! But, I was wondering why you don’t help out more charities? Thanks!

- Freddy, Albuquerque

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Hello Freddy,

Thank you for your email. I try to help out whenever I can. However, please remember, I am a BIRD!!

Also, this unfortunate event happened recently and, honestly, it did sour me a little bit...

So I’m in the hospital elevator, wearing a Make-A-Wish Foundation
t-shirt, minding my own business. An older, trashy woman gets on. We trade smiles (hey, I'm friendly), and then she says "So, can you make anyone's wish come true?"

and I say, "not exactly, it's more for sick people…"

and then she leans over and does this little fake cough in my ear!

and that's when i threw up in my mouth.

There you go, Freddy. There you go.

Your friend,

Justice Bird

Caw!

Justice Bird Remembers When

I remember when I was little, the dental hygienist was always on my back about not flossing. She would literally yell at me, and sometimes, when she was feeling particularly cruel, she’d even tell me that if I didn't floss at least 3x a day, my teeth would just fall right out!

"Why do you refuse to floss!?" she would always scream.

"Because I'm FIVE!!" I thought bitterly.

One day, when she was taking particular pleasure in pricking my young, tender gums, an idea came to me. "What about my parents?" I asked. "They don't floss all the time, and they still have nice teeth, don't they?" Knowing she was trapped, the she-devil could only glare at me.

Needless to say, on that glorious day I walked out with TWO plastic mood rings.

Justice Bird Puts Pen to Paper

Dear Summer,

Please come soon, I miss you. It seems like forever since we have been together. I love you.

Forever yours,

Justice Bird

P.S. you make me so hot

The Rest of the Story: Nintendo Edition

The year was 1987. Justice Bird, an easy-going youngster with a friendly grin, a quick wit, and an unquenchable thirst for life, was passing some time playing with his legos. His little brother Danny approached saying, "This Nintendo game isn't working right." Naturally, Justice Bird called him a baby and told him to get lost, but he continued to whine. After hearing "Come oooon, FIX IT!" for an hour and a half, Justice Bird finally snapped. "Try blowing on it!!!" he screamed.

The rest, as they say, is history. Justice Bird's simple yet ingenious method swept across the globe like a wildfire, completely revolutionizing the home entertainment industry. Now, whenever you hear "this game isn't working right" and the inevitable suggestion of "try blowing on it" you'll think of that fateful day.

And now you know The Rest of the Story.

Justice Bird gets a Pen Pal

Go to the bottom left-hand corner of the show, click on "Menu" and view the show in Fullscreen.

hello.