Come visit!

Justice Bird's new home.

Thank you

Hello, everyone.

Please check out my site at JusticeBird.com.

Thank you very much for your support.

The Plan

"He who fails to plan, plans to fail."

- Justice Bird ...and some other famous person

This is Houston. Say again please.

This is Ground Control.

Major Tom?

Major Tom!?

Sh*t.

Mail Call!

Hi Justice Bird,

We’re your biggest fans! We were just wondering how come it seems like every letter you get comes from a little kid whose name ends in either “y” or “ie” ? Thanks.

- Jimmy and Richie, Sarasota

--------------------------------------------

Hello Jimmy and Richie,

Coincidence.

Your friend,

Justice Bird

Caw!

Justice Bird Remembers When

Justice Bird worked as a banquet server in high school. As such, he’s been to an inordinate amount of wedding receptions in his time.

And, at least 3 of them, the bride definitely liked him.

He knows how wrong this is, and every time they cornered him to tell him how they felt, he'd say the same thing: "It's not you, it's me."

But in reality, it wasn't him.

It was the fact that they just got married!!!!!

Okay, Okay

Let's be honest.

It was twice, actually.

Secrets

Justice Bird has never peed in the shower.

Well, once.

Bird Flu II

An aerial view of the Bird Flu devastation:

Bird Flu

Justice Bird has never been sick.

Well, once.

Memorable Moments from a Not Uneventful Life

"Do you expect me to talk?"

"No, Justice Bird... I expect you to die!"

"!!!!!!!"

Justice Bird is Better than You

Here is you falling asleep:

*(…….....z……..z………z……..z……..zzzz.....z....z.z……zzz...)*

Here is Justice Bird falling asleep:

*(zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz)*

Justice Bird not vain

It Just Wouldn't Work

If you were a cat, and I was a dog,

and we were in love...

it just wouldn't work.

You're covered in cat spit.

Mail Call!

Hi Justice Bird,

What do you think of snow cones?

- Robbie, Los Angeles

--------------------------------------------

Dear Robbie,

The snow cone!! Ever since I was a child they enticed my imagination. Oh! The spectacular color combinations of luscious goodness! For years the snow cone held this tantalizing power over me. Any time I saw a stand, I would immediately get one, and sometimes two or three! Then, yesterday, when I actually stopped to think about your question, I realized that snow cones weren't much more than artificial flavoring and frozen water. Needless to say, the spell was broken, the love affair over, the dream gone…

Thanks a lot, Robbie.

Your friend,

Justice Bird

Caw!

Justice Bird Unplugged

This is me at the absolute peak of my haircut cycle.

I wish I could look like this all of the time.

Justice Bird says

People with peanut allergies need to suck it up and stop ruining it for the rest of us!!

It Just Wouldn't Work

If you were a seagull, and I was a donkey,

and we were in love...

it just wouldn't work.

you live at the beach.

Justice Bird: The Facts Behind the Truth

Justice Bird has a photographic memory that’s high-def. When he remembers things, they’re actually better and more vivid than when he lived through them the first time.

He has made a fire without matches, a shelter without branches, and a walking stick without wood. He has built a raft out of rocks.

The last time he got sick to his stomach was never.

Caw!

Mail Call!

Dear Justice Bird,

I’m your biggest fan! But, I was wondering why you don’t help out more charities? Thanks!

- Freddy, Albuquerque

--------------------------------------------

Hello Freddy,

Thank you for your email. I try to help out whenever I can. However, please remember, I am a BIRD!!

Also, this unfortunate event happened recently and, honestly, it did sour me a little bit...

So I’m in the hospital elevator, wearing a Make-A-Wish Foundation
t-shirt, minding my own business. An older, trashy woman gets on. We trade smiles (hey, I'm friendly), and then she says "So, can you make anyone's wish come true?"

and I say, "not exactly, it's more for sick people…"

and then she leans over and does this little fake cough in my ear!

and that's when i threw up in my mouth.

There you go, Freddy. There you go.

Your friend,

Justice Bird

Caw!

Justice Bird Remembers When

I remember when I was little, the dental hygienist was always on my back about not flossing. She would literally yell at me, and sometimes, when she was feeling particularly cruel, she’d even tell me that if I didn't floss at least 3x a day, my teeth would just fall right out!

"Why do you refuse to floss!?" she would always scream.

"Because I'm FIVE!!" I thought bitterly.

One day, when she was taking particular pleasure in pricking my young, tender gums, an idea came to me. "What about my parents?" I asked. "They don't floss all the time, and they still have nice teeth, don't they?" Knowing she was trapped, the she-devil could only glare at me.

Needless to say, on that glorious day I walked out with TWO plastic mood rings.

Justice Bird Puts Pen to Paper

Dear Summer,

Please come soon, I miss you. It seems like forever since we have been together. I love you.

Forever yours,

Justice Bird

P.S. you make me so hot

The Rest of the Story: Nintendo Edition

The year was 1987. Justice Bird, an easy-going youngster with a friendly grin, a quick wit, and an unquenchable thirst for life, was passing some time playing with his legos. His little brother Danny approached saying, "This Nintendo game isn't working right." Naturally, Justice Bird called him a baby and told him to get lost, but he continued to whine. After hearing "Come oooon, FIX IT!" for an hour and a half, Justice Bird finally snapped. "Try blowing on it!!!" he screamed.

The rest, as they say, is history. Justice Bird's simple yet ingenious method swept across the globe like a wildfire, completely revolutionizing the home entertainment industry. Now, whenever you hear "this game isn't working right" and the inevitable suggestion of "try blowing on it" you'll think of that fateful day.

And now you know The Rest of the Story.

Justice Bird gets a Pen Pal

Go to the bottom left-hand corner of the show, click on "Menu" and view the show in Fullscreen.

hello.